My grandad, Ray Ellison was just 60 years old when he spent the final few weeks of his life at St Benedict’s Hospice, formerly in Monkwearmouth, Sunderland, in November 2010.
He is someone I would instantly describe as a comedian – a man who even in my childhood I recognised had an insanely sharp wit and sense of humour.
A dad of two and grandfather of four including myself, he was a former miner but managed to work an abundance of jobs in his life – you could say he was a man with many hats.
Often, I found myself enthralled in hearing stories of his life from the miners strikes to his childhood. My favourite, however, was hearing about his time as a bus driver on the X1 between Newcastle and Houghton.
He, a staunch Sunderland fan, would always suppress his laughter at long faces after the Magpies would suffer defeat at St James’ Park.
“Did you win, lads?”, he’d taunt, already knowing the answer to his question having paid full attention to the match on the radio.
He was such a kind and caring person – and I loved him more than anything. However, I would only end up having him in my life for nine years.
Less than a year after experiencing pains in his side and other symptoms put down to medication side effects, his stage four bowel cancer, unchanged by chemotherapy, was declared terminal.
He was given six months to live.
My grandma Linda, now 73, said: “He wasn’t very well, really, when we went to Spain. But doctors put that down to the medication he was on. It was brushed underneath the carpet.
“We’d only been there for a year and a half but then when we came home to visit for Christmas in 2009 that’s when he was diagnosed.
“When we found out it was terminal, it seemed as if he went downhill very fast. By March 2010, he had started chemotherapy but he didn’t take it well and it stopped – so that was that.”
My mum, Angela Fraser, 52, added: “He was shocked. When he found out, he instantly went into fact mode and caught the doctor off guard, asking ‘how long have I got?’. He just went into fact mode.”
That shift from hospital to hospice was then described clearly by my grandma and mum, who recalled a sense of apprehension for themselves as well as for my grandad – who made a shocking admission to them as his health deteriorated.
Angela said: “Initially, my dad didn’t want to go into a hospice. But, there was a turning point where we couldn’t get him out of bed – he really wasn’t well. He was taken to hospital in an ambulance.
“That was when the journey started to the hospice. This was in about mid-October 2010. He said ‘I’ve had enough – I want it over with’.
“My first thought, before I went into one is that it was someone laying in a bed dying. But, it’s not like that at all.
“He was moved to a beautiful room. He had his own bathroom, television and there was even a sofa bed where we could stay over with him.”
Linda added: “All the staff were so kind and understanding. They knew what we were going through because they had been through it so many times before – they were so supportive.”
After two weeks, which included a visit by myself a few months after my tenth birthday, I said one last tearful goodbye to my grandad. Days later, the dreaded call came.
Despite a race against time that saw Linda, Angela and her brother David rush to be by his side, it was sadly too late.
He died on November 5, 2010.
But he wasn’t alone. The staff at the hospice stayed by his side when we couldn’t.
They made sure that he didn’t die alone. They held his hand as he slipped away and gave him the best care they could. We could not have asked for more.
Their care, their kindness and understanding is something my family will never forget.
But now, 14 years after my grandad passed away, hospices across the region are saying they are at a crisis point – facing millions of pounds in a funding black hole.
Teesside Hospice, Butterwick Hospice and St Cuthberts Hospice are just three in our region that have raised concerns regarding the future – and currently face a financial crisis.
At St Cuthberts, around 28 staff of the 124-strong workforce face redundancy as they say they must raise £3.8m to stay afloat.
A £100m funding boost – described as the “biggest investment in a generation for hospices”, has just been announced, but will this be enough?
For my family, the thought of losing these services is horrifying. The care they showed both my grandad and ourselves is immeasurable. And we are just one family.
There are thousands more across the region who could tell the stories of their loved ones – we know that. My grandad Ray is one of many they helped and cared for in his final days.
Linda added: “If I could say anything to the staff – it would be thank you. Thank you for what you did for us and how you cared for Ray.
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“They were brilliant. I cannot fault them at all. Hospices are really good for people who are at that stage in their life.
“It makes me sad to know now that some of them say they are facing a crisis. I’m getting older – what if I needed hospice care, will they still be there?”
Angela continued: “If we lose hospices, it would put a huge strain back on hospitals. Hospices let people die in dignity – people have a right to die with dignity.
“We cannot lose that.”
